Lust Not Found

It's Spring! Wait, no it's not. Yes it is! Nooooo!

2011-02-28T11:09:00.009-06:00

Anyone that's lived in the Midwest understands crazy weather. It's not uncommon for me to have the A/C on in the morning on the way to work but have the heater on while driving home. Seriously. Last Thursday we had an ice storm and yesterday we did this:

Please ignore the ugly ass plate. It was a hand-me-down.

First grilled burgers of the year. They were delicious. Of course, we paid for the nice weather last night. The tornado sirens went off twice. That's not a wake up call that I enjoy. In fact, I don't enjoy any wake up call but one that might mean your house is getting ready to blow away is especially annoying.

I also finished my second ever knitting project yesterday. It's a scarf for Sam. Just an easy one but I'm proud of it.

Yeah, I lead a wild life ;)

The Great Meltdown

2011-02-14T08:25:00.006-06:00

Instead of posting about Valentine's Day I thought I would give you a peek of my weekend. My nephew turned 7 on Friday and he had a party on Saturday. It turned out to be an absolutely gorgeous day. There was still at least a foot of snow on the ground but it was warm enough to run around without a coat on.

Misty, the Corgi, wasn't having as much fun as the kids running amok.

I had a wonderful time wandering around my grandparents' property taking pictures of the kids and the melting winter wonderland.

Today, everything is a muddy mess but it was great on Saturday. The snow was wet and perfect for sledding and snowball fights.

I couldn't and still can't find my beloved sunglasses so I was damned near snowblind by the time that the party was over.

I ended up wearing my coat just for the sake of the hood so the sun wouldn't blind me completely.

So, how's that for a picture post? And Happy Valentine's Day :)

2011-02-10T08:20:00.002-06:00

Like most of the country, we had a Snowpacolypse last week with around 20 inches of snow falling from Tuesday through Wednesday. This week we got another 5 inches on top of the 20 that it's not gotten even close to warm enough to melt any of it. I took a yard stick outside yesterday morning and we were right at 24 inches. BUT, it's supposed to be up to 40*F over the weekend and up to 60*F (!!!) by next Wednesday. Sounds like heaven!

Because I know all of you are wondering, Jake did show up for Sam's birthday dinner. He was late, of course, because he can never show up on time for anything. But he did show up. And he did make a production of saying hello to me. I spent most of the evening giving him the cold shoulder and holding conversations with out other friends.

After much obsessing and pining on my part, I've let go. It's not one I made lightly. I just can't anymore. He needs help that he's not willing to accept. He needs friends and family that he's not willing to let in. I can't keep hoping and offering myself up as support to never get anything in return. I thought about sending him a letter. A real, handwritten letter. It would be a waste of my words, though. I would never know if he got it and I would always wonder about his response. So, that's it.

I finished my very first real knitting project yesterday. I call if my first real knitting project because it's the first one where I had a definite pattern and I was making it for someone else. It's a simple scarf for my nephew but it's beautiful. I'm going to try to remember to take a picture of it before I give it to him. For posterity's sake, you know. And because I'm so proud of the damned thing. I'm sure my 7 year old nephew will wear it for at least a week before it's lost.

Random

2011-01-25T07:09:00.002-06:00

The Little Dude LOVES day care. I was concerned but he seems to be thriving there (saying more words, eating more foods, etc.). He loves the other kids and looks forward to going. Not really something that I expected.
Those of you that follow me on Twitter and Tumblr, you know that I taught myself knitting over the holidays. I think I might be addicted. It makes me feel incredibly productive while watching TV or waiting for appointments. The idea of being able to create useful things out of yarn by myself is thrilling. I'm not very good but maybe I'll get better :P I'm really enjoying it.
One of the things that I enjoy the most about knitting is the reactions I get from people. Amongst my friends I have gotten some teasing about being old and I've also gotten the other end of the spectrum where they're fascinated that I can make things. With my hands!
Speaking of Tumblr, I'm still loving it but I'm not digging their growing pains. I'm sure they'll work it out. I'm not planning to ditch them, anyway. I like the simplicity the site offers for posting pictures and sharing things that others have posted. It's a good forum for my mediocre photography :D
Sam turns 30 on Friday. I bought him an AK-47 controller for his PS3. So much for growing up, eh? lol
Speaking of Sam's birthday, we're going to have dinner with friends on Saturday to celebrate. Jake has said that he's coming. I'm taking this with a grain of salt and not actually expecting him to show up. It's been more than a year since I've seen him. I have mixed feelings about the possibility of seeing him. According to some of our mutual friends, he picked up a pretty nasty prescription painkiller habit. How do you help someone that not only won't help themselves but has the ability to completely excise you from their life on a whim? From where I'm sitting, the answer is you can't.
We bought a new (to us) car at the end of December. How nice for the bank to let us love our new car for a month and a half before we have to make payments. We did get a really good deal on it so I can't complain too much.
I did a complete floor to ceiling cleaning of the Little Dude's room last Sunday. It actually turned out to be a lot of fun because he was "helping me" and we made a game of it. So, tonight, I'll be buying more bins and things to help keep it nice and tidy so it's easier for him to find his toys. Yes, I am pushing my OCD tendencies on to my child. I think he likes it.
My patience with the absurdity of the people with whom I work has been a lot less than usual. Their inane bullshit and annoying habit of interrupting me for things that are either not my problem or something that is not immediately pressing has really gotten to me lately. Even though I've not worked an entire week for a month and half because of the holidays, sick kids and snow, I really need a fucking vacation. I'm starting to feel burnt out.

Here's to the End!

2010-12-13T14:47:00.003-06:00

The end of the year, that is. Twenty ten can suck the big one! This was a terribly crappy year and I am ECSTATIC that it's almost over. I can't even begin to surmise that ways that this year has changed me for the better and the worse. I entertained recapping the happenings but decided that my blog speaks for itself.

So, no recap and no sobbing (well, maybe a little). Only a 'Fuck You' and 'Farewell' to this year. Here's hoping that next year will hold better and less stressful things.

On a different note, the Little Dude started day care for the first time ever. Previously, he had been staying with a family member along with my niece and nephew. To say that he's picked up

very bad habits from my niece and nephew would be an understatement. I know he'll pick up even more at day care but he'll be in an environment where there will be people available to help him with learning to write the alphabet and numbers. He already can identify all the letters and count forwards and backwards to 25 so I hope he'll do well. (I'm not proud at all!)

So, you might also be wondering where I've been for two months. The quick answer is lazy. Also I've been posting random junk on Tumblr. It's just faster and easier to use. And I like that it has a timeline for people I follow (all 7!).

And now for some college football

2010-10-26T14:14:00.004-05:00

So, college football has been in full swing for a bit now and I've said nary a word about Mizzou on my blog. To be honest, I've not expected them to do well after they started conference play. Surprisingly, they've held up very well and are now 6-0 for the season. They took down OU last Saturday for Homecoming to much celebration, of course. Downtown is a mess. And some poor Co-ed lost her knickers. I assume she was as surprised as I was at the win? Or something.

Good times all around were had by all for sure.

Oh noes!

2010-10-19T10:06:00.002-05:00

I lost my camera a few weeks ago. I can't honestly tell you when or where. I just noticed that it was gone from my purse one day. It may have simply fallen out or may have been taken by my mischievous toddler.

Regardless of what happened to it, it's gone. I'm less upset about the fact that the actual camera is gone and more so about the fact that it still had The Little Dude's third birthday pictures on it. Plus, a lot of other random pics that I had procrastinated actually uploading. It was just a point and shoot digital camera that was pink and I happened to get a hell of a deal on. I seriously missed it, though. It's funny how many awesome photos you miss when you don't have a camera.

I wish I could say that I learned my lesson but I probably haven't. I'll still take forever to upload my pics just like before. I did get a new camera on Saturday. I've VERY excited about it. As an aside, when the hell did they stop at least putting a crappy small memory card in with the point and shoots? I know that storage isn't that expensive anymore but it's the principle. If I'm paying $150 bucks they could at least throw in a 1 GB card, ya know?

So, hopefully, I have enough time to get some good fall pictures to share :D And maybe some other pics while I'm at it ;)

Randomness

2010-10-05T08:17:00.003-05:00

Fake shutters. Is this a phenomena only in my little part of the US or is this an epidemic?

Sam and I were headed to a friend's house last week when we were detoured through and upper crust cookie cutter subdivision. Seriously, these houses go for the $250k range (which is a pretty penny in my neck of the woods) and there's probably not even six feet between them. Another common feature amongst them were fake, plastic shutters. They even had shutters on picture windows that, if the shutters were real, they wouldn't have even covered half the window.

I have no clue what made me particularly notice the shutters in this neighborhood. They're everywhere, though. Just another commonality that I block out and don't really think about anymore. I mean, some of these houses were fake stone, stuccoed or molded concrete...and they all had fake shutters.

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If you get the chance and are interested in what some of the candidates in your area, check out the voteeasy.org website. It's pretty nifty. It asks you to pick your state and you can enter you zip code if you want, to get better candidate results. Then, it asks you how you feel about different issues that are used as platforms for the candidates such as abortion or federal healthcare plans and it'll show you the candidates in your area. The candidate whose lawn sign is closest to you has the views that most closely match your answers. I had fun playing around with it and was a little surprised that the Libertarian candidate was the closest to my views on pretty much everything I picked. I never considered myself as a Libertarian.

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I had something else I wanted to blog about but I can't remember what it was now. My boss pulled me into a meeting in the middle of my blogging, which was absolutely uncalled for. Seriously, where else am I supposed to blog? :P

Blogiversary

2010-09-30T03:35:00.001-05:00

Yup, so today marks my second blogiversary. I thought I'd celebrate with my two very favorite HNT pics. I haven't done HNT in a while so these are ones you've seen before but from a while back. I've almost talked myself into doing HNT again. Maybe this'll be a jump start :D

After chopping all of my hair off last year, it's back to being this long again.

Still love the shadows on this one. :)

Also, thank you to everyone that still reads and comments. I'm a terrible blogger and an even worse follower. I'm going to try and make it a point to comment more often. I assure you that I read every single post, I just need to stop procrastinating and actually do it while I'm going through my reader.

Fall has Fallen?

2010-09-27T09:01:00.005-05:00

It seems that Mother Nature has officially decided that it's fall. On the actual first day of fall, it was 90 degrees outside. Saturday it was in the mid-80s (seriously, this post has a point other than to tell you about the weather here...probably) when I headed out with my dearest and closest female friend. We went to the 4:30 showing of Inception (uhm, yeah, shoulda maybe started drinking before we went).

When we went in, it was in the mid-80s and sunshiney. When we came out, it was rainy and in the mid-50s. Seriously, in two hours. Welcome to Missouri. Of course it was a game day and, of course, we went out afterwards because it was only 7-something. The college kids were out in force wearing their black and gold. And their shorts and flip flops. A decision that they were obviously regretting while they huddled together in the bar, soaking wet and shivering. It made me happy that I am chronically overprepared and keep hoodies and jackets in my car.

In short, I had a wonderfully adult night out with someone that I am not related nor married to. It was a nice break. One that I desperately did not know that I needed until I was leaving the house by myself with my favorite CD in tow.

I feel the weight of our marriage issues and the loss of my best friend everyday. It lightens some days and some days it's heavier than ever. But it's always there. On Saturday, I got the chance to be free from it all for a while. And I feel refreshed and ready to shoulder my burdens and fight for what I want again.

Counseling Pt. 2

2010-09-09T14:46:00.002-05:00

Sam and I had another counseling session on Wednesday at 8 am. The therapist had told us in the previous session that he specifically wanted to discuss Sam's infidelity. It was emotionally exhausting. Scheduling the session first thing in the morning was a terrible idea but we got through it and, I think, Sam better understood what I went through while he was gone and where I am emotionally.

I am still very angry. I'm not angry all of the time, I'm just angry when I think about the selfish, shitty decisions that he made that night. I made that point several times yesterday. I can't process how incredibly selfish he was. The therapist focused on how a marriage is a system and how neither of us can do something without affecting the other person in some matter, which was a very good point.

Whether the affect is benign, good or bad, we are still affecting one another. It's easy to forget that all our actions have an affect on those around us. It's just as easy to not realize how others' actions are affecting us. Up until yesterday, I'm not sure that Sam understood how much his actions that night affected me. I also don't think he had any idea how much his leaving affected me.

So, yeah, we're working on it. It's only been a month and I'm still angry. I'm not outwardly angry all of the time, only when I think or talk about what he did. Another point that the therapist made when Sam expressed his despair over the way I was feeling and what he did to me and our marriage is that his wife is in therapy with him, trying to make it work. That's a lot. That's a lot more than a lot of people who have been unfaithful have.

2010-08-28T09:08:00.001-05:00

Today, my Little Dude turns three. He was born three days late via emergency C-section after 24 hours of trying to induce. I thought maybe he just wasn't ready for the world but he came out kicking and there hasn't been a dull moment since.

Admittedly, the first year of his life was tough but we made it through.

By the second year, he was and still is in the 98% for height and weight. Growing up fast, indeed.

Counseling

2010-08-26T10:42:00.002-05:00

Sam and I had our first counseling session on Tuesday. It went pretty, well I think. The therapist wished me a happy belated birthday, which was awkward considering the reason that I was there. I like him, though. He seems to have a sense of humor and we were both comfortable with him.

He did seem surprised that we were so bluntly honest about our issues. At this point, there's no real reason to hold back or to sugar coat any of it. We hit the crisis point and now we're trying to dig our way out of it. Being dishonest or omitting things that we know are problems would just impede this even more.

During our first session, the therapist mainly seemed to focus on Sam. Sam has a temper and is, what I call, a "drama queen". He get unnecessarily upset and angry about things that he can't change, that don't matter, or in situations where it just exacerbates what's happening.

For instance, he lost his wallet on Tuesday morning. He got angry, frustrated and started lashing out. All before 5 AM. He was talking about not going to work because he didn't have his key card to get in and on and on and on. You'd think it was the worst thing to ever happen to a person. He lashed out at me and I retaliated by telling him to either let it go or get out of the car because I was going to work and I don't need the drama that early in the morning.

The therapist went over this with Sam and how he could have handled the situation differently. Sam knew that his inability to rationalize this stuff and to immediately get frustrated and angry is an issue between us. I am rational. I know that getting upset about it isn't going to change anything but my efforts to try and get Sam to see that it's really not that big of a deal just backfired and made him even more angrier at me.

The therapist also gave Sam some psychological tools to help him realize that this is happening and how to stop himself before it gets to the point that it usually does. This will be a HUGE change in our marriage. It's definitely a step in the right direction. And Sam is genuinely trying so maybe we do have a chance. It was nice to see him make the effort.

Our next session should be more...emotional. The therapist said that he'd like to go over the night that Sam cheated on me. Talking about it still makes me VERY angry. I'm angry that he made such horrible decisions and I'm angry that on a daily basis I have to pay for his mistakes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry all of the time. I'm just angry when we're talking about it. I can't hold that much anger in me all of the time. It kills the spirit and I'm just not an angry person. I'm anxious to see what the therapist has to say about the situation and what his recommendations are to help us move forward.

Phishing at its Phinest

2010-08-23T13:17:00.001-05:00

So, this happened. Assholes.

...and just because I can!

2010-08-23T06:19:00.002-05:00

Happy birthday to meeeeee! :D 27's not so bad. I think it looks good on me!

It is what it is

2010-08-19T08:37:00.002-05:00

I didn't hear from Sam until last Thursday after he left on Monday. I didn't answer the phone. He called again on Friday to try and arrange time to see The Little Dude on Saturday. He did, indeed come down. I met him at the apartment beforehand so he could pick up some more of his things. We also went over the bills and how much money he would be sending to The Little Dude and I until the custody arrangement and things were put into place. He spent a couple of hours with our son and then left.

It was awkward. Friendly but strange. I cried after he left. It's easy to remember all of the good things and push the bad away. It's doubly easy to forget as you're trying to go through all of the things the two of you have accumulated in the last 7 years together and decide what you should and can keep and what should be thrown out. I would go through things for 45 minutes then go on a 30 minute crying jag. It was not pretty and I was exhausted after a few hours. I purged a lot of things that had been tucked in closets to deal with later. At that point, I could not afford our apartment on my own and had two weeks to move out.

Sam called again on Sunday to ask about The Little Dude. He was already asleep so Sam didn't get to talk to him. We did talk, however. For two hours. I can't say that I can totally blame him for the state of our marriage. We had our issues before he cheated and then left. During our phone call, we were finally honest with each other. We weren't happy and it all came to a head.

During the course of our conversation, we decided to go to counseling. I never understood how a woman could consider allowing a man who cheated on her back into her life until I was standing on my back porch, crying over the mess that my life had become. The prospect of moving back in with my alcoholic mother and taking care of a three year old on my own was overwhelming.

I'm not saying that I decided to try and work things out because it's easier. Because it's not. The trust is broken among other things that are still broken. This is, honestly, one of the hardest decisions that I've ever had to make in my life. I'm not sure that I can get the trust back or if we can fix the things that need to be fixed for us to have a healthy marriage. But I need to try. I can't just stop loving him, that's the bitch of it.

Thank you & the end

2010-08-10T06:49:00.003-05:00

Thank you for all of the very kind comments, emails and direct messages on Twitter. I can't express my thanks for it all. It really does help to know that someone cares.

So, he left last night. Packed his bags and left and told me he needed to figure things out for himself. I wish I could say that I was the strong front that I alway project but I asked him to stay. Despite every fiber in my being telling me that I don't need him, I still asked him to stay. He left anyway.

I did, however, make it clear that he is not welcome back now. He was under the impression that he could go take time for himself and that I would be forgiving and willing to let him come back. He's wrong.

Something surprising happened after he left. Something I didn't expect. I called my mom, of course, and she came over and let me cry. Then, I was done. Over it. I felt relieved. I still feel relieved. Now, I'm just obsessing on what I need to do next.

I'm going to call my super sweet landlady and let her know that I'm probably going to be moving back in with my momma. I could probably afford our current apartment on my own but it would be a really close, tight budget. My family has offered to help me any way they can. In fact, once Sam's removed from my health insurance, that'll help even more (jeebus health care is expensive). It cost more to have him on my insurance as my spouse that it is to have both me and the Little Dude covered. How strange is that?

Anyway, I have the Single Mom mentality now. I'm OK now and I'm going to be OK tomorrow. So, thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I have the BEST readers/blog friends/Twitter stalkers.

The third thing...

2010-08-09T10:25:00.002-05:00

The third thing is something that I really debated blogging about. I don't put a whole lot of my personal, gut-wrenching crap on my blog. But, with my closest friend gone I need to vent to someone. So bear with me. If you have an opinion, that's fine. I'm putting it out there so I have to expect that people might respond unfavorably.

You may remember months (and maybe over a year ago, I can't find the post) that I talked about Sam and I considering an open relationship? About 6 months ago, I made Sam sit down with me and talk to me about the possibilities and asked him if he thought that it might be something that he's interested in pursuing. The answer was a resounding no. He was not interested. He told me that he did not want nor would sleep with other women. It was just not something that he wanted. Ok, I was fine with that. Fast forward to this past weekend.

Sam has a second job that he took because a friend of his needed help part-time on weekends at his electronics store. I'm OK with that, too. Sam enjoys it and the discounts and extra cash aren't bad things, either. He usually only works one day a weekend but the guy that usually works the other day couldn't do so and Sam offered to cover. He went in for Saturday night and didn't get off of work until 9. He ended up going out with said owner friend for his birthday. He did not call me to let me know that he was going out. I probably wouldn't have noticed if he had ever made it home Saturday night. But he didn't.

The dog woke me up Sunday morning at 7:30 and I immediately started to panic when he wasn't home. He had never called to tell me that he was going out much less that he wasn't coming home. So I called....and I called...and I called. Finally, at 11:30, he had drug he drunken ass out of bed for work at noon and managed to call me and let me know he was still alive. This was after I had spend 4 hours obsessively calling him, the hospitals and his friends to see if I could find out if he was still alive. Losing Bob-O probably only exacerbated my irrational fear that he was dead in a ditch somewhere but he was supposed to be home. I had no clue where he could have been.

I was upset. Understandably so, I think. Sam made his way home at about 7 yesterday evening after the shift he was covering was over. By that point, I had calmed down. I was a little peeved but completely rational (as rational as I ever am, I guess). I put the Little Dude down for the night and went to go to sleep myself when Sam creeps into the bedroom. I can tell that he wants to talk to me and that I'm not going to be very happy about. Uh oh. My emotions are still raw from the morning so this is not going to end well.

I can't recount exactly what was said. But, it basically was that he went out with his friend and they got really trashed. The friend left and Sam was still at the bar trying to sober up when a chick picked him up. He went back to her place, he was too drunk to have sex but he stayed the night there. I lost it. Totally, neighbor-disturbing lost it.

I have never felt more betrayed in my life. I had offered this to him and he turned me down saying that's not what he wants. That compounded with the fact that while I was calling hospitals and everyone I could think of, he was drunk in another woman's bed. I'm shaking here while I recount it.

I believe an open relationship can work. In fact, I know several bloggers who make it work beautifully. It's built on trust and communication. We have neither now. It would have been one thing if it's something that we'd agreed upon and I knew where he was and we had discussed it prior to it happening. They didn't have sex but, I feel, that even if he had had sex with her, it wouldn't make a difference with how I feel about. I've been cheated on because he wasn't honest with me about what he wanted. I don't know if it's because he doesn't want me to sleep with other men while he should be allowed to sleep with other women or because he didn't know he wanted it. Regardless, it's betrayal.

I am devastated once again. I'm still raw from the loss of a close friend. I don't know if I can stay married to him after this. I am distraught and once again my world has been turned upside down. I'm sorry to dump this on you but, damn it. My best friend is gone and this is the only private place I have to let it all out. Word vomit, as it may be.

They say that bad things happen in threes...

2010-08-09T09:35:00.002-05:00

I'm sure you guys have heard that saying before. I never really put much faith in it until the last few years. Maybe I'm just grouping the bad things into threes. Who knows? I might be delusional. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately.

So, it's been three weeks since my Bob-O died. I still find myself picking up my cell phone to call or text him about something that I know he would find funny. My heart still breaks a little when I realize that I can't anymore. I'm doing better, though. I'm trying to live my life to the fullest. I'm still probably not getting the most out of everyday but I'm making a concerted effort to be less surly and pessimistic.

Oh, yeah, the other two bad things that have happened. The next one seems a bit superficial but it's made my life a little more difficult. We had a pretty severe lightning storm in the middle of last week (I'm sure some of you saw me bitching about it on Twitter) that knocked out our electricity and fried my PC, as well. I think that it's just the power supply. I thought I had one at home that I could switch out but it was too big. Bleh. So, I'm taking it today to try and get a part for it. I don't know about you guys but I watch most of my television on my PC, as well. Between Hulu and Netflix, I barely watch anything on my TV. Also, we do all of our banking online and, of course, my nerdy proclivities are all online based.

What's the third thing, you ask (more likely, you don't care too much but I'm going to tell you anyway) well, I think that's going to deserve a post all it's own. It's complicated and....well, shitty.

I'll Think About You Everyday

2010-07-21T12:11:00.005-05:00

I know I'm not going to be able to give this post nor my dear friend the justice that it/he deserves right now because I am a total mess. But, I need to tell someone and you, dear readers, are my only captive audience at this very moment so please bear with me.

Today, I lost a very dear friend. He was the closest person to me. He knew things about me that no one else ever will and, on Saturday night (I didn't find out until today), he took those pieces of me to his final resting place with him. Our relationship was very unusual and quirky but after 6 years of almost constant contact, we were intimate on a level that transcends a physical connection. To say that we were comfortable with each other would be an understatement.

He was an avid lover of music. He was always introducing me to new music and raving about the last band that he had the pleasure to see live (and there were a lot). His love for music not only rivaled my own but exceeded it, which is not something that I thought possible until I met him.

He was only 41. Yet, he died of natural causes in his sleep. Taken.

I love you and will miss you more than I thought possible, Bob-O.

I feel like my heart has been ripped out.

Ye Olde Courthouse

2010-07-21T09:06:00.004-05:00

So, I got a speeding ticket. I got a speeding ticket in the very, very small town that I live in, which means that I had to go to court to plead guilty to pay my fine. Ok, kind of annoying and unnecessary but I did. Apparently, in the small town, they hold night court once a month for just such things. That's kinda nice because it was at 7pm so I didn't have to take off work for being a criminal. Turns out that no one else there had to take off work, either because none of them had jobs.

I always arrive early for everything and since the city hall where they hold what I loosely consider "court" is only a block from my house, I was twenty minutes early. There were only a handful of other people there and I thought, "Hey, maybe this won't take very long". So, to prove me wrong, another 40-50 shuffled into the very small space with only half that number of chairs before 7pm.

The judge showed up at 7:15 because judges don't have to respect the time of criminals. I knew things were going to be awesome when the first person he called asked the judge if she should plead guilty or not guilty after affirming that she is aware of her rights. She also had a stack of documents that proved that she had insurance and registration at the time of her ticket and she presented them to the judge as if this were a jury trial complete with a "let the record show" and "I'd like to present" thrown in there. Next, came a string of open container violations, unrestrained child tickets and one illegal possession of a controlled substance. The fact that we'd only had one of the controlled substance tickets came up before I was called makes me think that there were a ton more of those after I was called. I never wanted to know what meth smells like but I do now. I swear, this dude behind me got high behind the city hall and then immediately came inside.

So, I was called. I stood up in front of the judge and affirmed that I understood what I was being accused of and that I understand my rights. I plead guilty even though I wanted to rant about how I was going 48 in a 35 because the damned 50 mph speed limit sign was half a block from where the cop clocked me but I didn't. I paid my fine to a chick that's known me since forever, at which time she told me that if she had known that I was going to plead, I could have paid and left before court started. A little late. Thanks for that.

Now, let me rant about the fines. Not a single person before me paid their fine after they were sentenced. Not a single one. They were all asked if they were employed and then, regardless of the answer, they were told that they had until the next court date in August to pay the fine or, if they were unable to pay the entire amount, they had to present to the judge how much they had paid. How ludicrous is that!? I fully expected to pay my fine at the time that I was sentenced. I broke the law and had to pay for that. I didn't realize that I could be put on a payment plan.

Also, I was the first person to stand up in front of the judge that was not asked if I was employed. Maybe that's because I was still wearing my work clothes, which are nice dress slacks, a blouse and heels while everyone else were wearing sweat pants, flip flops and tank tops. Yeah....I'mma step down from my high horse now and just say that next time, I'll pay my fine ahead of time now that I know that's an option (and there will be a next time because I drive like a bat outta hell).

The Fuckery that is my life

2010-07-01T13:26:00.002-05:00

So, remember, like a month ago when I announced that I had FINALLY ordered a new camera cord from Amazon and that it would be here shortly and then I would annoy you all with tons of pictures of things that you don't care about because I could? Yeah, Amazon decided that even though it was being shipped via the USPS, they could not ship it to a PO box. Okie dokie. I used my street address instead. Apparently, this confused the people at the post office VERY much because they SENT IT BACK AS UNDELIVERABLE.

It took all of a week and a half for the cord to make the round trip from the Amazon facility and back. It had quite the little journey. The great thing is that I also ordered a pair of pants from a different website and they, too, could not deliver to the PO box despite being shipped by USPS. After the cord incident, I was expecting to have to reorder these as well. Nope. They fucking left a package notice in my box. (I'm not going to get into the fact that half the time they'll leave a key in my box and put my packages in a bigger box for me to pick up instead of forcing me to have human interaction and the other half of the time they don't. It's a fucking crap shoot. Also, I like the word 'fuck' a lot.)

So, still no cord. Why haven't I reordered it before today? Oh, let me tell you another little story that fully demonstrates the Fuckery that is my life. I hit a raccoon with my car. A big, fat raccoon. It knocked a huge hole in my front bumper, unseated my undercarriage cover and knocked my tailpipe loose. Good times. So, I turned it into the insurance company and took it over a couple of weeks ago to be fixed.

The place that did the repairs got them done pretty quickly and last Thursday I went to pick it up. They cleaner her up and waxed her and everything. She's beautiful again. Of course, anyone that's ever had to have their car fixed knows that you pay the deductible when you pick it up. Great, I can do that. The dude ran my card for the FULL REPAIR AMOUNT. Uhm, ok. He'll just do a refund and everything will be great, right? Right. So, he does the refund for the full amount and then runs my card AGAIN for the deductible amount. All righty.

Now, I would just like to say at this point that our debit card is supposed to have a daily transaction limit of $1000 unless I call the bank to let them know otherwise. This did not happen, which is a bit concerning in itself but not really relevant in this little diddy. So, in all, the dude ran my card for ~$1500, around $1000, which was to be refunded to us. Something that he did NOT tell me is that sometimes it can take up to TWO WEEKS for the money to be refunded. That's funny, because the next day, both charges came out of the account. I dunno about you guys but on top of my normal debits for gas and junk, I did not have $1500 extra in my checking account.

Bring on the overdraft fees! Any guesses as to when the money went back into our account from the refund? Yesterday. Almost a full week. In that time, we did not use our account after the Friday following the day I picked up the card. Nine overdraft fees accumulated. Damn it. After some discussion with the bank (which I had been calling every day to see if they had any idea when the money would be back in our account) they ended up refunding all of our overdraft fees. They really didn't want to but at that point I was ready to withdraw everything in our account and go elsewhere.

So, I reordered the cord today because I finally have money again. I also bought some M&Ms and they were delicious.

Man's Best Friend? Pshaw!

2010-06-13T13:08:00.004-05:00

We took in a chocolate lab several months ago. One of friends was getting married and moving and they simply could not take her with them. She's a gorgeous dog and oh, so sweet. She's really good with the Little Dude and has taken on the role as his protector very well.
She's latched onto me. She's my doggie-shaped shadow when we're home. I can't go anywhere without her following me. She's taken on the role as my protector, as well. She's indifferent about Sam, which I find amusing since he was the one that was convincing me to take her in. What a great experience it would be for the Little Dude to grow up with a dog, he said.

Well, Mattie's (the dog) protector side reared it's talents at a rather humorous moment this weekend. The Little Dude was spending the day at Grandma's and Sam and I were taking full advantage of the alone time. I'm sure that I've mentioned elsewhere that I don't mind being spanked....in fact, the opposite is true.

I love to be spanked. And Sam is more than obliging to indulge me :) Well, while we were fucking (appropriately, doggie style) and spanking, Mattie became alarmed. She must have mistaken my moans for cries of pain and she started actually growling at Sam. I started giggling and it all went down hill from there. Sex should be fun and it definitely is for us. We ended up finishing in the shower after the laughing had died down.

Start the chase, I'll let you in....

2010-06-09T19:33:00.004-05:00

So, it's Wednesday. I'm not doing a Quirky Wednesday today, obviously. Just don't feel like it. I had a mental list a couple of days ago but by the time I was in front of the computer they'd all melted out my ears. I'm feeling a bit melancholy today. I'm listening to Fiona Apple so that might have something to do with it. Gotta love her music but damned if she doesn't always exacerbate my sullen tendencies. Plus, she's hawt.
I finally ordered a camera cord yesterday, which you would already know if you read my excessive posts on Twitter. I have around 200 pictures that I need to upload. I may or may not have a problem. Can you get addicted to taking pictures? Probably. I'm sure I can find a support group somewhere.

Some organizational changes are going on at workie work. I'm one of a very small handful that already knows what's happened and actually helped designed the layout. I will also completely and totally not be affected in any way. My former boss is one of the people that's going to be affected the most. In fact, she's having most of her power stripped from her and moved under someone else. Hilarious. She's such a power fiend. This is really going to hurt her ego. Too bad she'll not make nearly as much money anywhere else for doing the same job.

Some reorganization is also happening in my personal life. Someone will probably be voted off of the island.

We'll see how it goes. I'll post a list so be sure to tune in next week when I post the list (joking.... maybe).

Here we are again, bitches!

2010-06-07T14:53:00.004-05:00

The wedding was beautiful and we had a pretty good time at the rehearsal dinner, too. We all ended up going out and watching the soon-to-be-brother-in-law make an ass out of himself. I mean, like a big GIANT ass. His brother, who hadn't seen him in 6 years got to babysit him while he drank himself stupid. Gotta feel sorry for that guy.

Real picture of the wedding that I stole from the photographer's website. You can see me if you look closely :P

The Drunk One started making everyone call him Red (no idea why) and offered everyone gum. He would fake cry if you turned him down. Then, he hit on our waitress. I know, that's not entirely unusual but he did make her pose for like 6 different cell phone camera pictures. Poor girl.

I was really fucking sick all weekend. I had some sort of heinous I-might-fucking-die-any-minute-plague-like cold. Seriously, I was completely sober the whole weekend (stop laughing, it's true). I stole some Keflex from my mom on Sunday (don't look at me like you don't steal drugs from old people, too) and by today, over a week later, I feel semi-human. Fuck summer colds. There should be some law of nature that outlaws them. Also, being the only one sober amongst very drunk, very loud people is both alternately amusing and annoying. Oh, and Jake never showed. Big surprise. There's a little tension between he and the groom so it wasn't a huge surprise.

Also, I have developed an allergy to cough drops. I can't make this stuff up. Add that to the list of Things I'm Allergic to that No One Else in the History of World Has Ever Been Allergic to Before. I'll spare you the gory details (and refrain from uploading a pic to Twitter (follow me!)) and just say that it's still very uncomfortable and there might be a burning sensation.

I have never been more seriously!

2010-05-26T15:13:00.004-05:00

On the way home from work earlier this week, I was (as usual) cursing out someone that I thought was taking too long to pass in the left lane. It happened to be a truck with a construction company's logo and contact information all over the side and back window. I realize that this is a relatively cheap and effective way to get your company's name out there. BUT, when you piss people off because you drive like an ass bag (read: you don't drive like me) it can back fire.

This dude wasn't really that bad of a driver. He was already going 5 mph over the speed limit and had used his blinker to switch lanes and everything (believe me, that's a rare occurrence around here). I have been behind some company vehicles where the driver is terrible. They cut people off, never use their blinker and go 5mph under the speed limit in the fast lane. I have seriously made a mental note of companies whose drivers have pissed me off and the likelihood that I will ever use their company for anything is very slim.

Totally stole this picture.

Ok, rant over. As I mentioned in my last post last week sometime, Sam and I's anniversary was last week. The 20th, to be exact. We didn't really do anything to celebrate. We're celebrating this weekend instead. One of our friends is getting married on Monday and we've been invited to the rehearsal dinner on Sunday night, too. So, I thought, what better way to celebrate our anniversary than to stay in town at our favorite hotel, enjoy a swanky dinner out with our friends, catch up with more friends later and then have lots of nasty hotel sex? Everyone knows that hotel sex is the best. You're not the ones that are going to have to clean the sheets :D

Picture of the decor of the place we always stay.

I messaged Jake to be sure that he's going to be in town and he is. He said he'd like to meet up with us and to just give him a call. Now, if you've been reading my blog for any amount of time you know that the odds that he'll actually answer the phone and/or show up are about 50/50. But, at least he can't use the excuse that he's busy because he didn't know that we're going to be in town. I would love to see him again. It's been months and I need a refresher visit to keep my fantasies alive.

Like imported Italian leather and bullshit!

2010-05-19T11:36:00.004-05:00

Yeah, that's how it smells down in the Very Important People's offices. I'm still filling in for the chick. She's supposed to be back on Friday. Why the hell would she come back from leave on a Friday? Anyway, I still venture downstairs amongst the heavy mahogany furniture and imported leather a few times a day. I am virtually ignored as if I were, myself, a piece of furniture.

It's amazing how helpless these Very Important People are. With all of the years of education between them, they're only lacking common sense and the ability to figure out their own Outlook calendars. Watching them try to figure out how to advance PowerPoint slides is painful. JUST FUCKING CLICK. Clicky clicky!

In other news, I'm still trying to decide what I would like to get a Master's in. Is it backwards to have schools picked out before I know what I want to do? Aren't you supposed to pick you school based on how good their programs are? I'm pretty sure that's what they told me while I was working towards my Bachelor's degree with wide eyes and a profound misunderstanding of the way the "real world" works.

The idea of taking out more student loans makes me want to barf. I've just about gotten my undergrad loans taken care of. I was lucky to have plenty of academic scholarships to cover most of the cost of a private school education. Obviously, I'm no longer under my parents' financial umbrella so I'm hoping there will be more grants available to me.

On the home front, things are better than they have been in a very long time. I'm not going to get into details but we had a nice, loud argument a few weeks ago (like most married couples and if you say you don't, you're lying. Liars.) and we cleared up some misconceptions and misunderstandings. Next week is our 4-year anniversary. We've actually been together for 7 years, however. So, I think we're allowed a blow out every few years :)

I have some pictures that I wanted to post today but our dog ate the freaking cord. Literally, chewed it in half. She also hates my tennis shoes. She leaves my work shoes and my heels alone. But not my tennis shoes...or my flip flops.

So, maybe next week, kids.

My life is a rom-com without the rom

2010-04-29T12:37:00.003-05:00

So, this week, my life is that rom-com where the girl starts a new job and is in way over her head but some how everything works out in the end and she gets some dreamy guy. Except, nix the being over my head at my OWN job and getting the dreamy guy. The problem is that I somehow got stuck doing someone else's job while they're out.

The hitch is that it's working directly with one of the most important people in the organization and instead of having to weeks to prepare with the person I'm substituting for, I had an hour and a half. Talk about being thrown to the wolves. Hopefully, I'll be triumphant just like the female leads in the rom-coms.

She's supposed to be back, at the earliest, on Monday. I'm hoping that this comes to fruition. I am not one to get stressed out, which is good. Everyone around me was freaking out for me. I believe I've done OK so far. I'll probably never know if I failed horribly.

In other news, this whole debacle has inspired me to actually get off of my ass and research nearby graduate program options. I need to get my Master's and, hopefully, my PhD so that I can be the one who has people hurriedly scuttling around getting things done for me instead of by me.

As an aside, I fucking hate that I have to edit the Html of my posts to get the breaks to display correctly. Fucking Blogger.

What I did this weekend...

2010-04-12T15:08:00.010-05:00

Enjoyed the weather...

Quirky Wednesday

2010-04-07T01:25:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a good Easter. I'm not a very religious person but I like Easter because it means that spring is finally here! I love spring. I know everyone says that but I REALLY love spring. I was overjoyed when I saw the first tree buds. I was even more overjoyed on my way home to see the green spreading and starting to overcome the brown.
Because of the above, I believe that I might have mild seasonal affective disorder. I get really anti-social in the winter. Which you may have been able to tell from my lack of blogging.
I think I use Quirky Wednesday to blog about things that I really can't make a whole post out of. Sometimes they're quirks but a lot of the time I think they're just observations about myself.
I don't get fake nails. How do you even function with those damned things on? I had my nails done for my wedding and I was functionally retarded until I popped them off the day after.

I write (slightly irrate) letters

2010-04-06T13:37:00.003-05:00

Dear Aging Co-Worker Who Thought She Was Going to be Grandfathered Into the Job that I got,

Get the fuck over it. In the beginning, your passive-aggressiveness was amusing to me. You only irritate me now. We were amicable co-workers before you started acting less than half your age. Now, I will never go out of my way to help you.

It is not my fault that you were not even considered for this position. I applied like every other candidate that was interviewed. I went through the same process as everyone else. Why should you be the exception? Why would you get a position that you are not qualified for just because you've been here the longest?

A couple of tips for helping you find a position that you are more qualified for:

Mullets are never coming back. In fact, they were never really in style to begin with. It's time to let go. I know you've spent years growing the back down to your ass but really, just stop.

A little bit of discretion, please. We don't want to know about your bowel and bladder problems. No, I am not joking when I tell you to stop talking about it.

Confidentiality is tantamount for the industry that we work in. That means that you do not talk about ANYTHING that you read or hear with other people unless it is explicitly required to do your job. So, stop gossiping.

Learn when to keep your mouth shut. The Director does not care what you have to say unless she has directly asked you a question. Otherwise, sit quietly and keep your sarcastic comments and unproductive interjections to yourself. Thanks.

One last thing...STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE! It's not yours, it's MINE. GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!

Thanks so much,

The Girl that Got the Job You'll Never Have

Quirky Wednesday

2010-03-31T02:17:00.000-05:00

The triumphant return of Quirky Wednesday!

I have a specific sequence that I will put groceries on the belt to check out. Most Wal-Mart cashiers are also their own baggers. While I hate going there, it's the most convenient for us. So, since they were probably not trained to properly bag groceries, I organize the belt so that they're bagged how I want them bagged:

Heavy items like cases of soda or boxes of diapers.

Boxed foods (mac n cheese) and canned goods.

Cold stuff that can't be squished.

Cold stuff that can be squished and fresh produce.

Other squishy stuff like bread and chips.

My husband has given up trying to help me unload the groceries.

I currently am subscribed to 77 shows on Hulu. I'll be very upset if they make it a pay site. I'll probably end up subscribing if they make it reasonable, though.
Since taking this new position, I spend a lot of time with some Very Important People in the organization that I work for. I enjoy it but I miss being able to put may hair into a ponytail. It's a feeling of relief when it's finally up off of the nape of my neck.
I kind of miss having a view of the morgue. It was always fairly quiet over there whereas here there are trucks moving about and backing up outside my window.

Totally Random Junk

2010-03-30T14:11:00.003-05:00

Well, I started off spring the right way….by throwing away a whole bunch of junk that belonged to my husband. I assure you he will not miss it. I can’t tell you how many boxes I threw away when we moved that he’s still never missed. Also, if he doesn’t want me to throw away his stuff, he should help me go through it.

Yes, I am passive-aggressive about clutter. It will not prevail!!! This is how exciting my life has become.

Oh, I do have an update about Cap’n D-Bag. The place that they bought and moved into is now vacant. Not sure what happened there as it’s not up for sale yet. However, if their past is any indication, they’ve left before the bank shows up to collect.

My new job is going pretty well. It’s not hard, just a lot of different stuff going on that I have to remember. One of my favorite things about this position is that I get to tell people no and piss them off in other ways and I don’t have to care. I don’t have to pander to anyone. No apologizing. Awesome. The power might be going to my head.

Pretty soon, I’ll be a dom and stepping on people for a living. That would be an awesome job.
Anyone interested? :D

Anyone watching Dancing with the Stars? Somehow, I got roped into watching it. It’s not that bad, I guess. It’s mildly entertaining and they have a space man this season! However, this week’s made me feel like I was watching a soap opera or maybe The Real World. Everyone was crying and breaking up with each other.

Am I being random enough for you?

Hey, remember when I opined about Lady GaGa’s vajayjay falling out? I believe we are heading in the right direction, folks:

You’re welcome. Also, she looks kinda like Marilyn Manson.

Happy Monday!

2010-03-22T09:23:00.003-05:00

So, if there is anyone out there that didn't have their March Madness brackets all blown to hell this weekend then you are incredibly lucky or paying some big bucks to have games thrown. They were good games, too. The Kansas St/Northern Iowa game was incredible. Of course, I was yelling for No. Iowa to win but I never expected them to actually do. Those boys played hard and deserved that win. The best part was watching them celebrate. I can't imagine them celebrating more if they'd won the whole tourney.

Source: Zimbio.com

What a Cinderella story if they do. I'll be cheering them on, of course. I love an underdog and since Mizzou lost to W. Virginia I need someone else to cheer for.

So, other than a weekend full of college basketball I also managed to reconnect with my best friend from high school. I hadn't seen her since my freshman year of college....waaaaaay back in 2001 (jesus...). She and her husband bought a house about a block and a half from the place we're currently renting. We went over there for a BBQ. I was nervous. I couldn't even begin to imagine all of the ways that both of us had changed in almost 9 years. I was also nervous to unleash the Little Man on someone else's breakable things. He hasn't been too exposed to other peoples' spaces who aren't related to us. Everyone knows that you get a free pass when your kid breaks something if they're related to you.

It went better than expected. It was almost like we hadn't been apart (which may be interesting for our husbands :P). Apparently, some of the girls that I graduated with and still live in town get together every couple of Fridays to have dinner. She invited me to come and said that some of them would like to see me again. I literally have not seen most of them since my high school graduation. I don't know if I'm prepared for that. I'm sure they're not the same people they were back then but I didn't keep in touch for a reason. So, I'm torn. We'll see how I feel this Friday, I guess.

March Madness

2010-03-18T12:41:00.004-05:00

Yup, it's my favorite time of year again. Not only are the trees starting to bud and the sun shining almost everyday but it's time for the NCAA Basketball Tournament! My Mizzou Tigers left Tuesday morning to take on Clemson tomorrow night. They're favored to win against Clemson but be taken out of the tournament shortly thereafter. Hopefully, this is not the case. Also, I hope that even if the Tigers don't make it past their second tournament game (or first, for that matter) I do hope that President Obama is dead wrong about Kansas taking the entire Tournament. PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE SO!!! I only recently found out that Jay is co-hosting a pool for the tournament. I was too lazy/sick to even consider trying to fill out a bracket for it, though. Maybe next year, Jay :)

After avoiding any colds or illnesses all winter, I got knocked on my ass by a super nasty stomach flu. I was down for the count from last Thursday until Monday. I'm still not 100% even today. Sam started feeling it yesterday so he's out of work today. I'll spare you the details. You're welcome. Now, I can only hope that the Little Man doesn't get a round of it as well. To be honest, though, I'd rather have the Little Man sick than Sam because he's less than a baby :P This is not how I wanted to start my spring. I wanted to be outside in the sunshine before the rain starts. I'll spare you the details.

Oh, the 8th was my first day in my new position. There's a lot more freedom in this position so I'm thankful for that. Also, since I just moved somewhere else in the same department, my new boss wasn't too upset that I missed that much work right away. She knows that I rarely miss work. So, I have that going for me. It's just different and I'm trying to find my stride while taking on more and more responsibility as I'm trained. I'm also lucky to be pretty good friends with the chick that was previously in the position. So, it's not awkward to have her train me and she feels comfortable to tell me the truth about things instead of sugar coating it. I know what to expect.

Wheee!

2010-02-23T14:09:00.001-06:00

Wow, so I actually didn’t expect any comments on that last post! So, thanks for missing me a little bit J I’ve been thinking about posting for a couple of weeks but just never did. Then, when I finally got around to posting on Sunday I thought I had lost my Google/Blogger account. I tried logging in with every password that I could ever imagine. I was probably nearing the end of their random word cycle because I’d tried to log in so many times. So, of course, I tried their password recovery process.

Seriously, that is the most unhelpful and ridiculous process.
Basically, if you don’t remember the answer to your security question (I have about 5 different “first” freaking phone numbers that I could have entered any number of ways) precisely the way that you originally entered it then you have to fill out a form to send to Google to review. They get to decide, based on the information you provided, whether they think the account belongs to you or not.

Apparently, I did not have the right answers. How many of you, after not logging into an account for two months, can tell me the email addresses of your five most frequently emailed contacts? Or, the exact day that you last logged in? Yeah, thought so. Oh, my favorite question, “What was the last password that you remember?” If I remembered that I would not be filling out the form. I don’t change my passwords that frequently (yes, we geeks usually preach on changing your passwords frequently but we rarely ever follow through ourselves).

So, I spent the next 15 minutes trying every number I can ever remember having, including those of my parents, with dashes, without dashes, with the country code, without the country code, with the area code, without the area code. I’m surprised that my post on Sunday wasn’t more surly than it was. I did wait a bit between finally figuring out what the fuck phone number combination plus trying to figure out their verification words that aren’t really words and posting. Fun times. Fuckers.

Two Month Recap

2010-02-21T16:12:00.006-06:00

So...last night I had a dream that I had a blogger meet-up with Emmy, Jay and Dana. 'Twas awesome. So, I thought that might be my subconscious letting me know that it's time to stop being lazy and get back into actually posting instead of lurking around other people's blogs. This is what I've been doing for the last two months:

Christmas was pretty standard and uneventful. I stopped being a work widow on Christmas Eve. After which, Sam was off of work for a week and a half on vacation. This is the longest amount of time that he's watched the Little Man without any sort of help. He had to break down the basement door after getting locked downstairs while doing laundry. Now I remember why I don't leave them unsupervised very often.

I was the only one in my household awake for the new year to roll in. I didn't make any resolutions or anything. It was satisfying to see another year come about.
Paid off my car loan at the end of January. I felt liberated :D Next up, Sam's car. Oh, how I loathe his car!
Valentine's Day was uneventful. We've never been much on celebrating it.
We've yet to have a full week go by without at least snow flurries. It seems like that last month and a half there's been at least one day every week where the weather is bad enough for me consider staying home. Of course, I didn't but I thought about it :P

And, now, up to this past week. I accepted a new position within the department that I currently work for. I'm excited/scared. I know that I can do the work and the job but I'm not sure how much I'm going to enjoy it. We'll see how it goes. I'll get a lot of face time with Very Important People so hopefully, it'll be a gateway to better positions and personal growth. My first day will be March 8th so send me good thoughts :D

Quirky Wednesday

2009-12-09T05:39:00.001-06:00

The only Beyonce song I have is "Halo". It makes me choke up almost every time I listen to it. I'm not really sure why but I like it even though I generally don't like that type of music.
I recently discovered over Thanksgiving that I really like making pies, not just eating them.

Surprisingly, I did not steal this picture. This is a pie actually made by me. See the blue night light reflected?

I often wonder how any of my internet friends would know if I died suddenly. Not that I think I would be greatly missed or anything but I think I would like to know if something like that happened to any to them. I love you guys!
I am currently making chocolate chip cookies. I don't even look at the recipe anymore while making them.

Amorous Rocker is taking donations to buy toy for Toys for Tots. Head over and donate a little something if you're able. Think of the children!!!

Work Widow

2009-12-08T05:16:00.000-06:00

I am a work widow once again this year. Sam is living with friends closer to work again to avoid the long drive we have to offset the long hours a little bit. This year hasn't been nearly as bad as last year. He's only work 70-80 hours a week instead of 100+ like in previous years. Their rush started later than usual, too. I'll blame it on the economy. I'm also blaming my dry skin and lack of motivation to do pretty much anything on the economy. When the economy gets better I'll have to start in on El Nino again. Or whatever everyone blames everything on next year.

The last time I saw Sam was two weeks ago. He calls me twice a day. Once over his lunch break and then when he gets to the place he's sleeping. As hard as it is, I almost look forward to this time of year because the time apart helps us to really appreciate each other once again. Almost everyone with a significant other that they spend a lot of time with can probably understand. It makes the holidays more special because we appreciate the time that we have together even more.

It also makes me marvel at the single mothers and fathers out there. They're incredibly amazing. I only do this for a month or so a year and it's hard. It's lonely. It's frustrating. It's draining and tiresome. There are never enough hours in the day and never enough sleep. We all know how much I love to sleep.

No More Junk!!!

2009-12-06T16:38:00.008-06:00

For those of you that are brave enough to follow me on Twitter, you already know the great news that Cap'n D-Bag has moved out. I can not even begin to express how awesomely awesome that is. I shit you not, it took them a week to move all of their junk out of the tiny two bedroom place they were living in. They were also kind enough to leave their trash bin full of trash sitting out in the yard. Of course, the trash guys will only pick it up if it's on the curb. However, the over-flowing trash bin is a small price to pay. Also, it doesn't look too terribly different than it did when they were having their "yard sales".

This may or may not be their yard. Probably not. I totally stole this picture.

I happened to see their landlady a couple of days ago cleaning the place so, being nosy like I am, I strolled over to see how bad the damage was. I could tell she was pissed (we went to high school together). She told me that it pretty much looked like they never cleaned up after any of their animals or cleaned at all, for that matter. As in, their animals pissed all over the place. Gross. They had two cats, a puppy and two rats living there and anyone who has cats knows how badly cat piss smells. Plus, it seeps through the sub-flooring and walls and everything else. I could smell it before I even got halfway across the yard to the door that she had propped open.

Totally stole this, too.

They didn't bother to give her any sort of notice. They just stopped making payments. Really classy. They woman had her baby a couple of months ago. Surprisingly, while she was off of work for a few weeks with the baby, Cap'n D-Bag actually seemed to go to work somewhere. He looked like he was showering on a semi-regular basis, anyway, which was a big change for him. He left the house at semi-regular intervals, too. Of course, as soon as she went back to work that stopped.

Turns out, they bought this old shop about a block and half away that has a living space behind it. The shop has been closed for as long as I can remember. It was always full of junk even though it was closed so I guess they already felt at home there with the junk. They did clean up the shop pretty well (or should I say that she did I can't imagine him lifting his finger to do anything that even resembles cleaning) as far as I can see. I guess it's supposed to be some kind of antique/resell it shop. I never had any intentions of ever going inside. At their "grand opening" Cap'n D-Bag set up a table outside with FREE FOOD. There is no way in hell I would ever eat anything that came from their kitchen after seeing the mess they left when they moved out. Bleh.

HNT

2009-11-11T20:14:00.001-06:00

Quirky Wednesday

2009-11-11T07:13:00.000-06:00

Quirky Wednesday makes a triumphant return! (How lazy have I been? The answer is very.)

It drives me nuts when people have their high beams on while driving in the fog.
I honestly believe that I could drink an entire one gallon jug of Kool-Aid by myself in one day if left to my own devices.
It annoys the crap out of me when people touch things on my desk at work without asking. Yes, my Einstein bobblehead and Storm Trooper Pez dispenser are awesome. DO. NOT. TOUCH.
I cannot even begin to tell you how ecstatic I am that they've started redistributing Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. Soooo delicious.

And for giggles, here's the dude that I part by everyday:

As you can see, I am not the only one annoyed by his inability to get his truck inside the lines. He parts like this EVERY DAY. Not just every once in a while but every single day.

Just another reason why I love having a small car. I had no issues squeezing into that space :P

RLoTFC and Cheeks have both started their own Quirky Wednesdays so head over and find out how weird they are :)

Hey, look! A post with words!

2009-11-08T10:00:00.004-06:00

Well, not quite as many words as you'd think. But a few more than I usually have on my HNT posts, anyway.

A couple of weekends ago, my mom dragged (drug?) me to a craft show. Yeah, it was just as much fun as that sounds. I did buy a huge bag of kettle corn, though, and it was delicious. I have no idea why she decided that we needed to go to this craft show as neither one of like crafts. At all. I really just think she was itching to get out of the house. Anyway, after the craft show, she wanted to stop by the dollar store on the way home to pick up some crap and since she was driving I didn't really have much of a choice but to go along.

While she was checking up and down every. single. aisle. to see if they had anything that she needed, I wandered off into the toys. Because who doesn't like cheap toys? No one, that's who. There was another lady and her two kids in the aisle with me. I was strolling past this set for cutting out stuff in Play Doh. I about fell over:

*Clicky* to make bigger and see if you can spot why I about fell over laughing*

Now, I realize that cheap-toy-packager isn't a very glamorous or mind-stimulating but you'd think they'd notice what I noticed at just a cursory glance. Still don't see what I'm talking about? Here's an enlarged version:

The 'g' is upside down but please tell me that 'm not the only one who would have noticed this. As I busted out laughing, the woman in the aisle with me ushered her kids away quickly. Which, of course, made me laugh even harder. I carried that box about the store to show my mom because she's one of the few people in my family that would laugh as hard about this as I did. Of course, we went back and checked to see if any of the other boxes were packaged this way. ALL OF THEM were packaged just like this. You can't tell from the picture but there were about 6 of these on the shelf. Every single one of these had this. Helllooooo quality control!

HNT!

2009-11-04T20:08:00.004-06:00

I was just lying in a sunbeam on my bed. No cropping or editing at all. I like the way it turned out.

So, maybe one of these days I'll get around to actually writing a post. I have been so insanely unmotivated to put forth the effort. It's sad, really. I have stuff I want to write about but I'm too lazy to actually do it. Hopefully, this picture of my boobs will make up for my procrastination :P Cross your fingers that a fire gets lit under my ass and I actually feel like doing it.

HNT!

2009-10-28T20:23:00.003-05:00

Don't forget to head over to Os'!

HNT

2009-10-21T22:40:00.000-05:00

It's my triumphant HNT return! My ridiculously stupid ISP will not keep me down :P

Which pair do you think I chose for HNT? *Click* to find out ;)

The Toddler Bed

2009-10-12T06:42:00.000-05:00

So, my little dude got a big boy bed a couple of weeks ago. I was very amused to find this on the box:

You might need to click on it to get the full effect because it's kind of hard to read even in Blogger's version of a "large" picture. The second from the last bullet on the list of Special Features says "Features a child-safe and gender-neutral finish". Thank you toddler bed makers for saving my little boy from being too girly with a gender-neutral bed. I was not aware this was an issue.

We did look at the pink princess beds but we were worried about our child becoming too gay because of the influence that his bed has on him while he sleeps. It's gay by osmosis!
Obligatory disclaimer: I have no issue with gay people whatsoever. I am being sarcastic. It would make absolutely no difference to me if my son decides he is gay. I'm trying to prevent my very first piece of hate mail.

Seriously, this is what the world has become. Also, when I think features, I think cup holders. This bed has none. Total rip off.

HNT!

2009-10-07T21:20:00.000-05:00

And it's the return of the favorite red shirt! Appropriate for work?

Don't forget to swing by Osbasso's and see who else is participating!

Quirky Wednesday

2009-10-07T06:29:00.000-05:00

I like cream soda much better when it's flat.

I will try any beer at least once. I love beer! Like my grandma always said, "How do you know you don't like it until you try it?" I think she was talking about vegetables but I think it applies better with beer. Don't tell her I said that.
I can flip my tongue upside down without touch it in any way. I can also roll it up, too. Turning it upside down usually gets the weirdest looks.
I used to always want to sleep in my bean bag when I was in middle school. I have no idea. That damned thing was sooooooo uncomfortable.

Top Ten Meme

2009-10-06T18:05:00.003-05:00

So, Roaring Lion of Two Fist Cool has tagged me to do a Top Ten Meme. There's no subject so I guess I get to choose whatever I want. As it turns out, this is the first time that I've ever been tagged for any sort of meme so thanks, RLoTFC, for taking my virginity ;) Here goes:

Top Ten Defining Moments in My Life So Far:

1. Learning to masturbate. I think I was probably 11 or 12 when I started masturbating. It felt good...I kept doing it and I came. I can now bring myself from totally not-at-all turned on to orgasming in less than three minutes. I mostly do this at my cubicle at work.

2. Tearing my ACL my senior year of high school while playing basketball. At the time, I had no idea the long lasting effect that this injury would have on my life. It seriously changed the people that I was friends with that last half of the year. And the people from high school that I still have contact with.

3. Dumping my first "serious" boyfriend in the middle of my sophomore year of college. He's the one that stalked me. Yeah..didn't see that one coming at all. I'm much more weary of the people that I let into my life.

4. Getting my first apartment of my very own. I cannot even begin to tell you how liberating this was for me. I lived in the dorms for my first two years of college and I absolutely loved my roommate (she was my maid of honor) but that first apartment was freedom. Total freedom. I had my space that no one else was allowed to encroach on. I loved it.

5. G-spot orgasming entirely from intercourse. Amazing. I also learned that I squirt around that time.

6. Graduating from college. I had absolutely no idea the lameness that was waiting for me after college. I was barely 21 when I graduated and after 3 and a half years of 18 hour course loads, I was ready to be done. Not even a year later I was wishing that I was back in school. I still have an incredible lust to learn and will be getting my Master's and PhD one of these days.

7. Getting my first "real" job with benefits and a steady 8-5 schedule. I can't even tell you how elated I was when I got this job. I'm still in that position, in fact. The responsibilities are not at all what they were when I first started but I still work in the same department with the same people.

8. Finally understanding, in it's entirety, the movie Office Space and the absurdities of working in a cubicle farm with a bunch of bored people that are undervalued and underpaid. I always thought the movie was funny but now it is my life.

9. This is the part when I'm supposed to say my wedding day. My wedding day was a very happy occasion. The ceremony lasted a total of 12 minutes including the wedding party walking in and out. Sam and I had been together for about 4 years before we got married and had been living together for 3 and a half. Marriage did not change our dynamic that much. I would say the way the people started treating us on, probably, a subconscious level was more of an event. It was amusing to me as a psychology student.

10. My son. I can't pin down the exact moment that everything changed. I was too out of it in the hospital due to a total lack of sleep (I refused any painkillers of any sort after coming out from under anesthesia after my C-section) but some time during my maternity leave....everything changed. My motivation for everything was based soley around him. Now that he's two, I enjoy him even more. I love watching him gain his independence a little at a time and learning new words.

HNT!

2009-09-30T22:06:00.000-05:00

And yesterday was my blogiversary!!!!

Blogiversary

2009-09-30T17:51:00.003-05:00

Yup, it's official. It's been one year since my very first post. This blog definitely is not the same thing that it was when I started it. And I'm happy about that. I'm also happy about the people that I have connected through my blog and theirs. There are some great people floating around out here in the blogosphere.

Somehow, I've managed to escape the scathing remakes from trolls. I haven't even had one irate email in a year. I'm not too sure how I feel about that. Maybe I should be more controversial? I hate puppies! And Druids! And yard sales!

I also had this conversation with Sam last week:

Me: I have a confession to make.

Sam, eyeing me wearily: Ok....

Me: I'm a blogger.

Sam, giving me a funny look: Ok.

Me: Is that it?

Sam: What?

Me: You don't care at all?

Sam: Nope.

Me: ...

So, I've come out to my husband. He's read a little of it and is supportive. Not really sure what reaction I expected. It's nice to know that he doesn't mind. Even though I'm not the most active blogger, I do enjoy it when I sit down and actually put my thoughts onto the screen. So, happy blogiversary to me :)

HNT!

2009-09-24T07:35:00.000-05:00

regularly and what a nerd I am would be a nice change of pace :P Maybe there will be more boobies next week.
This week is kind of a plain HNT. I thought a clothed one that kind of shows how I dress

Quirky Wednesday

2009-09-23T06:42:00.001-05:00

I am terrible at making rice. I can never find the point between crunchy and mushy.

When I eat Skittles, I smush different colors together to make pretty Skittle flowers.
I don't eat chocolate very often because it hurts my teeth.
I hit my second deer with my car at the end of last week. Or, I should say, the damned thing hit me as I saw it cross the road, slowed down and watched in horror as it pranced back into the road and into my car. The good new is that it should be fixed by the end of this week.

The very next day, I hit a opossum in Sam's car. It's a conspiracy, I tell ya! They're out to get me!!

My favorite time of the year!

2009-09-22T18:33:00.003-05:00

Well...one of my two favorite. Spring and Fall. The leaves are changing and we've had rain every day for a week. Yeah, I'd say it's fall. I took these pics of some awesome rain clouds as I walked out or work yesterday. I barely made it into the parking garage before the skies opened up and it rained sheets.
'Twas awesome to just stand there and watch it come down. I love rainy days.

HNT!

2009-09-16T19:18:00.001-05:00

So, last week, HNT was all about the imperfections. This week I've decided to post up one of my favorite things about my body. No, surprisingly, it's not my boobs. I've gotten so many compliments on my eyes over the years. Everyone always asks me if I wear colored contacts and the answer is no. I was even voted "Prettiest Eyes" for my senior superlatives (along with The Next Bill Gates) in high school. I even love the laugh lines at the corners because they show how often I laugh. :)

MIZ-ZOU

2009-09-13T11:27:00.008-05:00

Sam and I went to Mizzou's football home opener yesterday. It was awesome and we had a great time. The first half of the game was rather painful to watch. Gabbert (QB) seemed to be unable to complete a pass of any sort and for some reason refused to throw a pass to anyone but Washington. Mizzou's defensive line pretty much won the game from them in my opinion. Let's hope they do better next weekend against state line rival Kansas.

The players walk across this bridge from the training building to the stadium. You can't really see them but they're there :P

We tailgated for about 4 hours before going to the game. Free beer and BBQ is always welcome :)

Mizzou's new million dollar screen. Nice that they had the money to come up with that while they were laying off staff, instituting hiring freezes and taking away their staff's yearly merit raises. Also, the football coach got a 250k raise.

It turned out to be a beautiful day for the game, anyway. A nice breeze kept it from being hot and it was nice and sunny. We were in the seventh row just off the endzone.

There were over 75k people in attendance for the first home game of the year. Definitely an experience to get to be a part of it.

Flyover from Whiteman AFB during the National Anthem

And, of course, there were cheerleaders!

HNT!

2009-09-09T19:15:00.007-05:00

*click* To see another place that I do have scars.

So...I guess HNT this week is about posting up your flaws. Well, I've come to realize that one of the only parts of my body that are not scarred are my feet. At one point in time, I had some mean couch burn scars on the tops of both feet from having sex with my boyfriend on my very abrasive dorm room couch. Those have since faded into oblivion, though.

Quirky Wednesday

2009-09-09T07:30:00.000-05:00

I am officially addicted to puppy chow. We've made three batches of this in the last month and a half. Sam and I have eaten most of it.

I do not have a cell phone that has the internet. I am a huge technophile but when it comes to cell phones I'm a minimalist. If it can make calls and text then it's good to me. I guess this is my way of rebelling against the cell phone companies and their exhorbiant data usage plans and demands that you be locked into a plan.
With that said, I have not been locked into a cell phone contract for over five years. When I want a new phone, I buy one of the pay-as-you-go versions and pop my SIM chip into it. It works with my carrier, I pay my normal bill and I don't have to deal with a contract. Thus, I also don't have the latest and greatest phones.
I am particularly rough on cell phones so the above works out quite well. When I inevitably drop my phone in a bowl of potato soup (twice), I just clean the gunk off of my SIM chip and shell out $20 for a new phone and I'm good to go.

Imagine my cell phone here.

Another summer comes to a close

2009-09-08T19:12:00.007-05:00

I dunno about you guys but for me, one of the hardest things about writing a post is thinking of a frickin title. Should I try to use something relevant to the post or something non-sensical and witty?

Anyone, I hope everyone had a great and safe Labor Day. We made our annual trek down to Arkansas (home of the fabulous Jay) to see my dad. It always kind of marks the end of summer for us. The leaves are beginning to change in our neck of the woods already. It's kind of sad that another year is coming to a close. I love fall but I hate the deadness that follows when winter blows in.

We had an awesome trip marked by another Labor Day tradition of awesome Chicago-style pizza.

Mmmm, doesn't that look absolutely delicious!? That would be Gusano's Leif Erickson pizza which is black olives, mushrooms and chicken on a Chicago-style pizza. I get this pizza every time that we go there and it never disappoints. I also had it for breakfast and lunch the next day.

They have "regular" crust pizzas, too, in case you maybe can't handle all of the sauce. On the left is their Big Cheese pizza that seriously has more cheese than any pizza that I've ever seen. It was pretty good but I'll stick to my Leif Erickson. I do only get to have it once a year, after all ;)

Otherwise, we just kind of hung out and didn't do much. It was awesome.

HNT

2009-09-02T21:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday, everyone! I hope everyone in the States has a safe Labor Day weekend. Remember, never drink and drive ;) Swing by Osbasso's to find out who else is participating and also check out the Other HNT!

Quirky Wednesday

2009-09-02T18:17:00.003-05:00

Humpa humpa hump day again! Where have I been, you might ask? Well, I was on vacation for the latter part of last week and the beginning part of this one. I mostly did a whole lot of nothing and it was wonderful. My little man turned two so we spent some time together just hanging out. So, there was no blogging. I do have a HNT lined up for this week and, after being mocked for not posting my Quirky Wednesday after someone stole my idea, here it is!

Today, I put A1 on my potato chips. It was delicious. I think I'll do that from now on.
I never had real mayonaise until high school. My family always just used Miracle Whip for everything. I have no opinion on which one is better. I use mayo for certain things and MW for other things.
I have no idea how anyone could survive on a low carb diet. I have a serious pasta eater. I could not live without it. Bread I'm indifferent about but you can not have my pasta! Fat thighs be damned!!
I'm always a little sad when I start to notice the leaves changing colors. It means that summer really is almost over. Things around here are definitely beginning to turn already.

For those of you that play fantasy football, you know that football season is upon us again. While I don't so much get into the NFL, I do enjoy NCAA football. My Mizzou Tigers have their first game this weekend against Illinois. I'm a bit sad that summer is ending but I am so excited about football season!!

Quirky Wednesday

2009-08-26T07:54:00.000-05:00

Third Eye Blind has been my favorite band since high school. I can listen to all of their albums all the way through and love each song.
I like the songs that were never released as singles the best, though.
I own ever single album. There are only three other bands/singers that I have bothered to do this with.

They are: Seether, The Foo Fighters and Fiona Apple.

The awkwardness knows no bounds!

2009-08-25T19:22:00.005-05:00

So, I'm assuming that there are several of you out there that have met people with whom you've had lengthy telephone and/or email relationships with first. Whether it be because you've met them on the internet in some capacity, have been set up on a blind date or am like me and work for an organization that is spread across the state.

I also have the joy of communicating with off-site vendors when software is having issues that I can't fix or to report issues while testing updates or patches for software. I also spend a lot of time on the phone with off-site consultants that are contracted to work on projects for us.

I do, occasionally, meet some of the end users for the products that I support and even more rarely I get to meet some of the vendors and consultants that I work with. I have come to the conclusion that, most of the time, my mind is very optimistic in my preconceived images of most of these people based solely on the emails and phone calls.
This was not the case with Hottie Programmer with whom I've spent at least an hour a day on the phone with for the last month and a half. If you follow me on Twitter, you already know that I met Hottie Programmer today. It was not a misnomer. Something that most of you probably don't know about me is that I am extremely attracted to middle aged men. Especially, if they have salt and pepper hair or facial hair and wear Very Expensive Suits (or, even just a well-fitting suit). I am not a high maintenance gal but sweet Jesus if that doesn't get me hot.

It was great to finally meet him face-to-face after all of that time spent on the phone. He has a great voice and a Bostonian accent. It was also great that our repertoire was not changed by us meeting in the flesh. Sometimes that chemistry only happens over the phone or email.

Unfortunately, HP's on-site visit signals that our working relationship will soon no longer exist as the project is almost finished. I'll actually miss chatting with him everyday. He's one of the nicest consultants that I've ever had the pleasure of working with.

Well, that's the end of it!

2009-08-23T12:07:00.002-05:00

Another year of my life that is. Today, I am officially more than a quarter century old. Twenty-six. Not necessarily a significant birthday. Obviously, it's significant to me because, hey, I'm still alive! As surprising as that may be :)

What is significant are the things that I've accomplished this year, the relationships that I've strengthened and the new friends that I've made along the way. There have been some pretty major life changes over the last year that I didn't really blog about because they were too personal for me to even know where to begin. I would have had to delve back into my childhood and start there. I'm not ready to do that just yet.

In about a month is also my blogiversary. I've been contemplating what I should do for that for a couple of weeks. I have a couple of ideas so we'll see how it goes.

I don't know about anyone else but the weather here is fantastic so we're going out to enjoy it. I hope everyone has a fantastic Sunday!

HNT!

2009-08-19T22:05:00.000-05:00

HHNT, everyone! Don't forget to swing by Osbasso's to see who else is participating. And, while you're at it, check out the Other HNT, too!

Quirky Wednesday

2009-08-19T07:50:00.000-05:00

It's hump day again!

I like to eat pickles but I don't like to eat them on things. If I get a burger with pickles on it, I'll pick them off and eat them separately.

I like to dip my pizza in A1 Sauce.

I really don't mind washing the dishes but I let Sam think I do so he'll fell obligated to do the laundry. The repetition is calming for me.
I got tires on my car for my birthday (which is this coming Sunday. Email me for an address to send presents LOL) and it's quite possibly the most awesome birthday present I've ever gotten. I think this means that I'm officially and "adult".

HNT!

2009-08-12T19:32:00.001-05:00

It's that time again! HHNT, everyone! Don't forget to head over to Osbasso's to see who else is participating and also check out the Other HNT!

Quirky Wednesday

2009-08-12T07:45:00.000-05:00

It's humpa humpa hump day!

While most people stop growing after high school, I had gained another inch by the time I graduated from college (not including my heels ;) )
I was never really part of one clique in high school. I was a nerd, athlete and artsy girl. I got along with pretty much everyone except for the super prissy "popular" girls. And I still really don't get along with them today.

I don't really care which way the toilet paper hangs off of the roll. Which is odd because of all of my other OCD tendencies.
I really fucking hate Tuesday. A lot.

I Dub Thee Cap'n Dbag!

2009-08-10T20:06:00.006-05:00

My neighbor, that is. For clarification, dbag is short for douchebag but that's too much of a mouthful for me to say all of the time. So, why have I dubbed my neighbor Cap'n Dbag? Well, let me tell you!

First of all, he sits at home on his fat ass while he very pregnant girlfriend works something like 60 hours a week. What they'll do when she's out on maternity leave? Who knows as she does not have medical coverage nor does she currently accrue any sort of vacation or sick days. I can hardly imagine him staying home with an infant when she goes back to work, either. He constantly screams at the top of his lungs at his girlfriend's 10 year old son. The kid is a sweetheart and it breaks my heart that he has to deal with Cap'n Dbag.

Secondly, he has been having a "yard sale" (i.e. junk that no one in their right mind would ever buy) for the past THREE WEEKS. Seriously, if they didn't buy it three weeks ago, they're not going to buy it tomorrow. I'm not sure if this is compromise for contributing to the household funds or what. Welcome to Whitetrashville. Enjoy your stay.

This could totally be his yard. Only, with even more junk.

Oh, and to firmly position Cap'n Dbag into whitetrashitude (see what I did there?) let's have a little chat about his car. It's a mid-90'2 t-top Camaro. Really. I can't make this up. Also, it's missing the hubcaps so it's just the black rims underneath on all of the tires. Only recently, do the tires have air in them. Apparently, he's been living in this state over a year and has in the last week actually gotten his car licensed and registered here. There's so much trash in it that I'm not really sure how they can even get in it much less drive.

Also, and he was very proud of this, "he" bought his girlfriend a car (you know, with the money that she made) that I am thoroughly surprised it is still running. But it was only $500! What a deal! The very best part is the sticker on the rear glass that says "Rebel" with a Confederate Flag flying triumphantly behind it.

When we moved in, he graciously offered to fix our computers for us anytime. You know, because my husband mentioned that he doesn't know much about them and since women obviously have no clue about anything electronical, he could do it for us. Uh, our computers are not broken, first of all. Second of all, I work in the IT industry. I have built my own computers. I can fix it myself, thanks. If I can't, I have the resources to get it fixed by people that I trust.

Finally (for now), he made it a point to let us know that he is a druid. Not descended from druids. Not studying druids. An actual druid. The kind that do human sacrifices. So, if anyone in the neighborhood goes missing, I'll be pointing in his direction. (I might also mention that his landlord keeps asking us to let them know if we have any problems with them. I think they're fishing for a reason to kick them out. They're totally the type to sue so they need a legitimate reason. Personally, I don't feel like being sacrificed.)

HNT!

2009-08-05T22:15:00.000-05:00

Motorboat, anyone?

Don't forget to swing by Osbasso's to see who else is participating. And, of course, there's the other HNT, too! HHNT!

Quirky Wednesday

2009-08-05T10:53:00.001-05:00

So, it's been a while since I've done one of these. I just haven't felt inclined and thought that maybe I'd run out of quirks. Turns out that I just forgot that some of the things that I do can be construed as weird :P

I take my camera with me everywhere. I used to never have a camera with me and then I'd regret that I didn't have tangible memories of those moments. No more. I take pictures of fucking everything....to the annoyance of my friends and family. And I do so with my pink camera (it was on sale because it's pink!)

I've become one of those people that has more music from their youth on their MP3 player than new stuff. I have tons of Third Eye Blind (I mostly like their stuff that was never played on the radio), Foo Fighters (new and old), and tons of singles from one hit wonders. Almost all of these songs I can attach to a particular moment or memory. Late 90s/early 00s alternative rock, I love you!

I was born on Tuesday that happened to be a full moon, at the end of August. So was my son, only 23 years and five days later.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

2009-08-04T06:14:00.001-05:00

Holy shit, am I the only one having a hard time wrapping their head around the fact that it's already August!? August!!!??? I can *feel* the days getting shorter and I am not looking forward to it being dark outside when I'm going to and coming from work. The awesome sunrises that I've enjoyed throughout this summer on the way to work have almost made it worth getting up at 4AM. Incidentally, it doesn't seem that long ago that I was seeing the sunrise as I was going to bed but I digress.

So, last Friday night, it was decided that we would do the corn maze once again this year. For those of you that have read any of my first posts will remember that last year's corn maze event resulted in the basis for this blog. It was the first time that my husband, Sam, suggested that he might be willing to try an open marriage. Nothing has come of it as of yet. I can never quite get a straight answer from him as to whether or not he's really comfortable with an open marriage. Regardless, it's allowed me to indulge myself in the feelings that I've always had for his best friend Jake.

So, I'm looking forward to September and hope in that Jake shows up like he said he would. Also, late September will mark a year's worth of ranting on this blog. That's quite an accomplishment for me. A whole year of blogging!

I've Forgotten How to Nap

2009-08-02T10:36:00.003-05:00

It's true. I've forgotten how to nap. In college, I could lay down, fall instantly asleep and wake up an hour later completely refreshed and ready for another night of beer and video games. I can no longer do this.

When I lay down I have too many things running through my mind to even settle down enough to think about sleep. I lay there and think about all of the things that I need to be doing instead. All of the things that have me stressed out. All of the things that I wish I could change.

I lay there for an hour with my mind racing. I begin to drift off but never make it past half asleep. The few times that I actually make it asleep, I sleep for hours. Then, I wake up and fell groggy and more tired than I did before I woke up. I don't fall immediately into REM sleep to make up for the nights that I stayed awake cramming for my psychopharmacology classes. Or to make up for the sex that kept me awake when I should have been studying.

I've forgotten how to nap and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

HNT!

2009-07-29T17:30:00.002-05:00

This was actually taken by Jake on Friday night. This is what he got to see every time that he took his eyes from mine ;). HHNT!

I looked up and saw you

2009-07-27T18:02:00.003-05:00

So, yesterday I posted a little bit about my Friday night. After Jake made a point to come and say hello to me he took a seat in the only empty chair left at the table. It just happened to be on the other side of Sam. So, we talked around, over and through Sam about the things he'd been up to. I pried out details of the girl that he was seeing for a bit. Sam got up to use the bathroom and I took his chair so I could talk to Jake without craning my neck while the other conversations at the table continued.

We were engrossed with each other. I looked away from his eyes for an instant to order my third and last drink for the night from the waitress and everyone else was gone. I hadn't even noticed that they had left. I remember Sam getting up and whispering something in my ear about me going home with Jake. At the time, it never registered that he never came back.

It was just Jake and I at a table. My hand was in his. I have no idea if he had taken mine or if I had taken his. All I knew was his touch. Soft, gentle caresses across my palm, across the sensitive skin of my wrist, and over my fingers. I forgot what we were talking about and what I was about to say. He smiled. He knew. I'm very rarely at a loss for words. Especially with him. We're notorious amongst our friends for our deep, philosophical drunken conversations. He just sat and smiled, he fingers still caressing. I have never wanted so badly in my life to kiss someone as I wanted to kiss him right then.

Instead, I got up and went to the bathroom. When I got out, Jake was talking to some other people he knew and I headed back outside where the guys had decided to situate again to smoke. I still regret my decision to get up.

Sam has mentioned on more than one occasion that he is OK with Jake and I fucking. However, he's been drunk ever single time. He seems more confused and torn about it when I've asked him while he was sober. He always claims to never really remembers saying these things to me while he's drunk. So, I don't act. No matter how much I wish I could. Oh, how I would have loved to fuck Jake until I couldn't fuck anymore.

Jake eventually made his way outside to our table and it was getting close to last call. We chatted some more. I met a guy named Todd and made a Cannonball Run reference that no one else got (One of them is always named Todd). Jake offered to take me back to his place to stay the night. Again, I declined. I'd stopped drinking about two hours before so I would be sober to drive home. If I had not been sober, I probably would have said yes. And then would have probably regretted the consequences that those actions had on my marriage.

I think Jake understands. I think he also has the same feelings for me that I have for him. He barely talked to anyone else while I was there. He was constantly touching me in some way. Each touch elicited a reaction from me. He gave me a kiss on the cheek as we were all clearing out. Even now, I can feel the roughness of his beard stubble against my cheek. I hope like hell that it's not another 6 months before I see him again.

Fuck. I think I'm in love with my husband's best friend.

We raced the sunset and we almost won

2009-07-26T18:43:00.005-05:00

I think I have the summer disease that's spreading across the blogosphere. Less posting and bloggers leaving their blogs temporarily or permanently seems to be pretty prevalent now that the summer has reached its peak and is sliding down the other side towards fall. I've not quit, I just haven't really felt like I have anything significant to contribute. I totally spaced on HNT last week. This week, I'll do better, I promise.

Finally, after going out with friends on Friday night, I have something interesting to contribute. Well, interesting to me, at least. A couple of weeks ago I posted about Jake and was pondering about whether or not I should call him to wish him a happy birthday. I didn't end up calling. I wussed out and left a message on his Facebook page, instead. How much more impersonal can you get? A couple of days after I posted he sent me a message thanking me for the birthday wishes and telling me that he misses me. This, after months of complete and total non-contact surprised me a little but, you know, maybe he was just saying that.

Fast forward to Friday night. I had plans to stay in town after work to grab a bite to eat and see a movie with my very closest girlfriend. Sam ended up staying in town, as well, and he called some of his buddies that he doesn't get to see very often to hook up and grab a drink while I was with my friend. Of course, they were still at the bar and drinking by the time the movie was over around 9 so my friend dropped me off.

The fellas were sitting at a table on the patio smoking (the city doesn't allow smoking inside restaurants and bars) and laughing. You have no idea how much I've missed hanging out with these guys. They are so much fun. They've all known Sam for years and years so it's always a blast when they all get together.

So, I grab a seat and order a rum & Coke. We're out there for a good 20 minutes. The guys try to throw things down my shirt, presumably to watch me fish it out. Yup, just like old times. They finish smoking and decide they should head in for whatever reason. Immediately inside the door and to the left is Jake sitting at a table with some of his co-workers. I had a pretty good buzz going on at that point but I didn't stop and say hi as I didn't think he'd even noticed me and he was there with some other friends.

We all sit down a couple of tables away. I'm sitting with my back to Jake and the door. I notice that everyone is looking behind me. I turn around and find Jake's crotch basically in my face. I laugh as I don't think that was his intention. He puts his hand on my shoulders and leans over to my ear and he whispers hello. I can feel his breath on my ear and I see the goosebumps raise on my arms. He inhales the smell of my hair and the possibilities of tonight run through my head. Oh, how I've missed his voice.

This post is becoming incredibly long and I have some things to do before I go to bed tonight. So, I'll leave this here and come back to it tomorrow. I hope that everyone had a good weekend!

Words are Spaces Between Us

2009-07-16T18:00:00.002-05:00

When do you stop being there for someone that’s never there for you? How can you tell that it’s enough before it’s too late to save yourself the pain of total emotional severance? There comes a point when one must cut out the toxic flesh so the healthy skin can grow lest it be eaten away before it has a chance to be.

But how do you put that into words to tell someone you’ve known for years that you can no longer let them into your life? It weighs heavily on my soul. When I find a kindred spirit, I hold on fiercely. There are so few people in the world that appreciate the different facets that make up “you”. But, we change. Things that once bound us together now tear us apart. Things that we used to share have become redundant and empty.

I’m too trusting. I let people in that I sometimes shouldn’t. I open myself up for heartache. I lap up the attention like a neglected puppy who is thrilled to have a pat on the head. When the attention is gone I feel left out in the cold and slightly betrayed like a favorite toy that has been cast aside for something shiny and new. I give of myself and the holes are left empty when nothing is given back. So, I run. I always run rather than express my hurt and anger.

I’m afraid of being labeled irrational and emotional so I’ve learned to stuff the things I’m feeling below. They’re only to be expressed in private where there’s no one around to misconstrue my tears or question my mental stability. I spend days on the very verge of tears. The most innocent comments can cause the tears to threaten to spill over. I push them away and concentrate on something inane and benign. I laugh away my pain and tell myself that it's silly to feel the way I do.

Is it possible to let someone know that they make you feel this way? For me, no. I will never express exactly how I feel or how much I’ve been hurt. I’ll internalize and drift. I’ll fade away and one day I’ll just be gone. All the while, I’ll be wondering if I’m missed. Is my absence noticed? Or is it the comfort of someone familiar that’s missed?

HNT with a bullet

2009-07-15T20:48:00.002-05:00

Today is....

2009-07-09T19:21:00.002-05:00

Jake's birthday. If you don't remember Jake, you can read more about him here and here. I have not heard from him since November. I heard from friends that he was dating someone but they have since broke up. I'm not sure it it's appropriate for me to call him?

What an awkward situation. Jake does not do well in awkward situations. He flees. He flees hardcore when things get weird. I think the whole situation explained in the second post that I have linked is the reason why we haven't seen or heard anything from him. I miss him. I miss his social awkwardness and our deep, drunken conversations.

Sam says he's done with trying to reach out. Sam and Jake have been through these no contact cycles several times in the two decades that they've known each other. Jake is notoriously flaky amongst all of his friends. He always accepts invitations for get togethers and parties but rarely follows through.

I've just been thinking about him lately. I worry about him and miss him.

HNT

2009-07-08T20:30:00.000-05:00

It's everyone's favorite day of the week! (Please ignore the camera strap in the lower right *ahem*)

Don't forget to swing by Osbasso's to see who else is participating. Also, check out the Other HNT!

And other nonsense

2009-07-07T17:58:00.011-05:00

So, I'm assuming that everyone survived the long weekend if you were in the US? I haven't read any horror stories of lost digits or burnt hair.

I actually had an awesome time this year. The weather stayed in the mid-80s with low humidity and a few rain showers. It was perfect. No oppressive heat. I got a little sunburned on Friday while out and about with family down playing in the water of a creek on my family's land.

Took this on Friday. Doesn't it look nice and peaceful?

It was good for my soul to spend some time not worrying about bills or work and to just enjoy myself. I forget how much I need it and miss it until I get some of that time again to recharge my batteries. Of course, the hard part was going back to work on Monday. *sigh*

So, because it's the week after a holiday, which are notoriously unproductive for me, I leave you with this:

This is from Rachel Weisz's photo shoot for Harper's Bazaar magazine. She's always smoking hot but look at those fuck me boots!! WANT!!!

HNT!

2009-07-02T03:26:00.000-05:00

Don't forget to head on over and check out everyone else that's participating!

Is it just me....

2009-06-30T19:24:00.002-05:00

...or is Lady GaGa always about one step to the left away from her hoo-ha falling out?
Just sayin...

Pain and Relief

2009-06-28T15:49:00.003-05:00

I awaken laying on my stomach. A dull ache has begun in my lower abdomen. I blink myself awake and throw the covers back. My bag sits at the foot of the bed in a heap. I dig through it by touch, not wanting to turn on the lights. I find the largest bottle. I imbibe 6 extra strength Advil dry. I hope that the Advil wards the pain away and I'll be able to sleep the rest of the night. It won't. It's 3 AM.

I drift back to sleep only to be awoken once again a half an hour later. The dull ache has developed into the familiar throbbing pain that renders me almost immobile. I hobble to the bathroom and turn on the hot water. The cold tap remains untouched. Steam rises from the water as the tub fills.

I step into the heat and my nerve-endings scream at me. The scalding hot water instantly turns the skin of my feet and lower calves bright red. Perfect. I sink down into the tub, ignoring the biting heat and thinking only of the impending relief.

As my belly slides into the water, the heat penetrates my skin and reaches my organs. The relief is almost instantaneous. My eyes refuse to stay open. Pain is tiring. The exhaustion and profound feeling of relief is too much to keep them open any longer. I find that place between consciousness and sleep and revel in it.

I stay in the tub until the hot water loses its edge and my fingers are wrinkled. I haul myself up and out. As I towel off, the dull ache begins again. It's no where near the pain that demanded the heat of the water any longer but it's still there.

The ache reminds me every month that being a woman isn't always about pleasure, lace and seduction. Being a woman is about pain and living through it. Suffering and never saying a word.

I slide back into bed and wipe the sweat from my face. No one in the house is none-the-wiser. I drift back to sleep once more.

RIP

2009-06-25T18:10:00.004-05:00

A sad farewell to both Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson today. Both of them contributed so much to the entertainment industry and both were taken at a relatively young age. I hope they both find peace.

HNT!

2009-06-25T04:10:00.000-05:00

Because I'm obsessed with my hair, I think...

Of course, you need to head over to Osbasso's to check who else is participating. Also, don't forget about the Other HNT! HHNT, everyone!

I write (slightly irate) letters

2009-06-22T18:42:00.003-05:00

Dear Hoity Toity Older Lady in the Typically Silver Volvo,

There is a reason why they call the left-hand lane on a four lane highway the "passing" lane. I know, the rules of the road are hard to understand and can be confusing sometimes, you know, like when you use your blinker. Apparently, you decided to not even bother to figure out when to use your blinker and simply stay in the left-hand lane for 32 miles (!!!?!?!?!!!) during rush hour traffic thus accumulating no less than 15 cars lined up behind you at a time.

I understand your confusion when trying to understand why all of the people passing you in the right-hand lane were giving you dirty looks, screaming a few choice words and even flipping you the bird. I may be wrong but I believe it's because it was nearly impossible to pass you in the right lane without taking out a car that was barely going slower than you were.

Thank you for ruining my ride home, bitchface. You have no idea how much pleasure I got from not letting you into my lane once you'd pulled into a right turn only lane to try and get ahead of traffic.

Love,

Ms Undecided

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lovely Wal-Mart Cashier,

It was very early when I went through your lane before work. Barely 5:30! I was hoping that my two doughnuts and two pears wouldn't be too terribly difficult for you to ring up. Apparently, having to type in those pesky number codes was more than you could handle, though.

My brain wasn't really working, either, but taking nearly 15 minutes to ring up four items was a little excessive. I told you no less than 4 times that pears have the number code right ON THE PEAR. But, we'd better look it up to be safe. Also, the 'e' comes before the 'a' in pear so that'll help you look them up in the future. It's a tricky word.

Yours always,

Ms Undecided.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Asshole Assistant Manager at Work,

Yes, I have been avoiding you. Thank you for noticing. You're an asshole for insinuating that I never get my work done simply because I had not turned in one report to you. Oh, by the way, I had no idea that you even wanted that report. You've never requested it in previous years but this year I was supposed to magically read your mind and have it ready for you. So sorry.

Don't even get me started on the projects that I'm currently working on, which are all above my pay grade by leaps and bounds. My productivity levels are way above everyone else in my section. But, that doesn't matter. I didn't have your report ready for you. You could have ran it yourself in 10 seconds but it's my fault you didn't have it because I left my mind reader hat at home.

I will no longer be laughing at your sub par jokes or going out of my way to help you with things that are not my responsibility. I'm simply too busy. Good luck finding someone else to shit on.

Fuck you,

Ms Undecided

HNT!

2009-06-18T03:37:00.003-05:00

HNT everyone. Don't forget to swing by Osbasso's to catch everyone else that participating and, of course, check out the Other HNT!
Another view of the aforementioned favorite panties.

Quirky Wednesday

2009-06-17T04:22:00.001-05:00

Sam & I don't share blankets in our bed. We've never been able to share covers as one of us always ends up with all of them and the other none.

I regularly have dreams about dating Craig Charles' character Dave Lister on "Red Dwarf".

They're usually orgasmic ;)

I absolutely hate Tuesdays. They are the bane of my week.

Post 100

2009-06-15T17:59:00.004-05:00

Well, kids, this is my 100th post. I was trying to come up with something special for this occasion but I've got nothin. So, I thought if you've got any questions I would do my best to answer anything you might want to know. I mean, this blog *is* about me, right? So, any of you have something you'd like to ask?

Also, here is a picture of my bum :PThese are my very favoritest undies at the moment. They have cute, pink fishies all over them, as you can see. Unfortunately, they are no longer in my possession. They may or may not be in a FedEx box headed to someone that makes me feel beautiful.

HNT!

2009-06-11T03:49:00.000-05:00

I'm loving this new shirt that I bought. I couldn't decide which picture I liked the best so you get both.

I didn't realize my necklace was all crooked until I took this. I think my cleavage looks okie dokie, though.

So, which one do you like best?

Quirky Wednesday

2009-06-10T01:40:00.000-05:00

I think I would be perfectly happy if all I ever got to drink for the rest of my life was water, Ice Blue Raspberry Lemonade Kool-Aid and sweet tea.

My very favortitest junk food are Twisted Puff Cheetos. I dunno what it is about them I like so much. I like regular Cheetos just fine but I could eat a whole freaking bag of the Twisted ones if I'm not careful.
I feel more naked when my toenails aren't paint than I do when I'm actually naked.
I'm a compulsive drinker. If it's in front of me, I drink it until it's gone. This is OK if it's water but when I have a pitcher or two of beer in front of me, it can be bad!
I've been watching entirely too much iCarly lately. For some reason, I love that show. I think that Miranda Cosgrove could have a really awesome and long career ahead of her.

And the beat goes on...

2009-06-07T13:14:00.007-05:00

I am happy to report that this weekend has more than made up for my incredibly shitty Wednesday and precarious rest of the week.

Yesterday was filled with homemade lasagna, cupcakes and ice cream cake. Mixed with family and a gorgeous day, you just can't go wrong.

Sam & I has a child-free night last night so we made the very most of it and I admit that I am a little sore this morning. I think I'm going to have to start doing Pilates in the evenings again ;)

Today, I slept late and then had breakfast for lunch.

Delicious farm-grown scrambled eggs with tons of cheddar cheese.

And, my favorite breakfast food of all, hash browns. Down those bad boys in ketchup and I'm in heaven!

Sam even did all of the cleaning this weekend so I could relax a bit and head into the new week feeling better about myself. It's weekends like this that make being alive totally worth all of the pain and heartache!

New template

2009-06-04T20:10:00.003-05:00

So, I thought it was high time that I get a new template for my blog. Using one of the generic Blogger templates seemed so worn out now that I'm approaching my 100th post. So, I found this one free that I like quite a bit. I made a few small modifications to the HTML to my suiting. It looks like I still need to fix the profile information as it lies a little outside the sidebar padding. So, what do y'all think? Is it a keeper?

I'm hoping that one of these days, as I practice my HTML more and get more comfortable with it, I'll be able to create my own layout with some of my own pictures that I've taken. You'd better hold your breath for that one :P

I am so incredibly happy that this week is almost over. I'm completely sick of this week and I hope I never see it again. It's time we break up and go our separate ways. We're just not right for each other anymore. We've drifted apart. I think we should see other people. It's not you, it's me. Well, I guess it is you. Be gone! (I think I've lost my damned mind lol).

HNT!

2009-06-04T17:47:00.003-05:00

Today's post is in the tradition of Amorous Rocker posting her luscious lips occasionally (oh, how kissable they are! Seriously. Plus, the girl has wicked awesome cleavage. It might even better than mine! Also, we have the same taste in music).

I know this is a little late considering that everyone else always seems to have theirs up and ready practically the night before. But, I still posted on Thursday!

Yesterday was the day from hell for me. Just a bad, bad day at work where nothing was going my way and some how I managed to end up in the war path of one of my bosses even though I'm one the hardest workers that he has. Regardless, I weathered it. I may or may not have cried at work for the first time in my life. I also may or may not have had hives by the end of the day because I was such a mess.

Today was better. It had to better or I would have walked out the damned door. So, another day winds to a close!

Quirky Wednesday

2009-06-03T06:47:00.004-05:00

So, last week I mentioned that I eat all of the greenage out of my salads before I eat everything else. Apollo asked in comments if I eat one thing at a time from my plate and the answer, of course, is yes. I eat things on my plate from least liked to most liked.
I don't really care if things on my plate are touching or mixed or whatever.
I have a hard time eating if I don't have something to drink, as well.
For some reason, I think that Denis Leary would be *really* good at sex
That's the sort of thing I think about at work.

This morning, I drove to work in the rain. I love driving in the rain. I turn off the radio and just listen to the rhythm of the water hitting the car. I feel isolated and alone and I love it. I used to sit in my car during rain storms as a teenager. Just sit there and enjoy it. I miss having that kind of 'me' time.

I hope everyone is having a good week!

HNT!

2009-05-28T04:40:00.002-05:00

...you saw that back so here is the front.

HNT!

2009-05-21T03:56:00.000-05:00

I thought, since I spent so much time talking about my hair in the past, I would post up a picture of how long it is now :)

Hey, look, there's my pretty pink camera lol (it was on sale because it's pink)

Quirky Wednesday

2009-05-20T00:50:00.000-05:00

I eat all of the lettuce out of my salads before I eat anything else like cheese, croutons, tomatoes, etc.
Last week, I went to Wal-Mart every single day but Friday. How fucking depressing, lol.
I didn't think I would miss blogging but after being going for two weeks it feels amazing to be blogging again (If you could call what I do blogging).
I currently have 1174 songs on my MP3 player. That number will increase quite a bit once I get an internet connection at home again. I've been making a list.
Apparently, being without internet makes me crave new music.
I'm kind of happy that Britney Spears is getting her shit together again. If she can come back from that trainwreck then I think I can survive pretty much anything that's thrown my way.